Happiness

Now that I'm out here in Fayetteville, alone most of the day, I find that the silence is deafening. I realized how little I speak everyday. So every now and then I'll speak out loud and when I hear my voice and no one else's in return, it makes me feel more lonely than ever. It just slips out subconsciously like my brain would like to hear something other than the T.V. rambling on for hours at a time. I've been here for 3 months. Still no job, but if I'm being honest with myself I really haven't been looking. I've worked on my resume but have yet to turn it in. I don't know why but I dread job interviews. It just seems so ridiculous. You have to sit down infront of a total stranger and prove yourself in like 5 minutes. I hate the whole learning process too. I hate not knowing what I'm doing and having to ask a millions questions, because I know that can get annoying. But, I seriously need to get off of my ass and do something before I go nuts. So I'm watching The Nate Berkus Show and a segment on today's show is about happiness. HOW ARE YOU READING MY MIND NATE BERKUS!? The suggestions they provided were: 1.Building strong relationships with others. 2.Exercise. 3.Getting enough sleep. 4.Getting dressed in the morning. 5.Listening to upbeat music in the car. 6.Going outdoors. Number one: I was content when I lived back home with my family because our relationships were strong and unconditional. Now that I'm out here with Steve, he's all I've got. If I were to get mad at him (which happens on a very rare occasion, thank God) I'd have no one to turn to. Sure, I could use the telephone, but it's not the same comfort I would get from a face to face conversation, or, even better, a hug. Number two: Working out always makes me feel better. After it's over, I feel like "Hey, atleast I accomplished something today." Pretty lame, I know. So I do one out of the 6 suggestions. Way to go Robin. Number three: I haven't been on a regular sleep schedule since about a year ago. Basic training, lights out at 2100 (9:00 PM) wake up at 0400. Never sound sleep because I'd always wait to take a shower until 2100 because the latrine would be packed until then, then writing letters home took another 30 minutes, and then there was always fireguard. Waking up in the middle of the night to do a headcount and make sure the barracks didn't catch fire, and cleaning the bay and latrine for an hour. Never could get sound sleep when you're worried about waking up and getting fully dressed in ACU's a few hours later. Same thing applied to AIT. If it wasn't CQ (Charge of Quarters), sitting at a desk watching the entry and logging who came in and out of the building while completing cleaning tasks, it was weapons guard, which required us to sit directly infront of a door to the arms room, which was locked and was 2 feet away from the other two soldiers on CQ. Now that I'm not in training anymore, my sleep schedule is never the same. Usually I'm up late at night and sleep until late morning. And Steve, bless his heart, snores so that definitely doesn't help. Earplugs, Tylenol PM and falling asleep first is usually the answer. Number four: When I wake up I usually just dress for the gym, even though I won't go to the gym until 5 o'clock that evening. Hair is curly and in a bun. Why? Because I'm super lazy and it takes forever to flat iron because it's so thick and long, so I just wash it and throw it up in a nappy bun. I actually almost cut it just for that reason, but I chickened out and got a trim instead. Make up. The most I put on is mascara to go to the gym. I usually save getting done up for the weekend. Number five: Definitely a no brainer. So I guess this makes 2 out of 6. I try to update my iPhone atleast once a week with new music, but I hardly ever drive my car. Mainly because I need to get the A/C fixed and it's getting hot outside! Plus going everywhere alone is still something I'm getting used to. God I need some friends! There's only so much HGTV I can watch lol. Number six: I love being outdoors. Back home, one of my favorite places was Girard Park. Whenever I needed to kill time or a place to think it was my go-to spot. I'd usually stop and get a pina colada snocone from Cajun Sno (best sno cone place in the world). I need to find a park out here. Just writing this has helped a lot. I'm never gonna feel comfortable here if I don't get out of this apartment and explore it. I think I'm gonna start going to aerobic and spin classes on post. Maybe I can meet some friends there. I'm pretty excited about tonight. I'm going to BWWs with an AIT homegirl who's in the same situation I'm in. Moved out here for her man. Oh the sacrifices we make lol. So hopefully this will be the last of my bitching, and the beginning of me trying to rectify the situation!